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※今年好像出外玩樂玩得有點過頭了……!

首先想到這是兒童書,語言應該比較簡單,所以翻譯時會提醒自己不要用太過深奧的字眼。所以開始前,想上網找其他童書翻譯看看,可惜旅店上網不太方便,因此沒有找到。

網上查詢,此書讀者對象是九到十歲的孩子,因此,用詞可以深一點。

一直苦惱如何翻譯Snakey,尤其聽到別組名字翻得那麼好,覺得很丟臉,為了誠實,也不能超用別人的(真是誠實的孩子,讚!)

翻譯該採取異化還是歸化,名字的處理方式,姓,採用中國人姓氏;而名字則保留英文名字的音譯。

兩個人做,雖然偶爾會意見不合,甚至要放棄自己的譯本,但兩個腦袋總比一人好。互相幫助,結合各自的專長。郁惠的專長是可以寫的比較口語化,較接近兒童口吻。我則可以幫忙申稿,盡量減少語法和用字上的錯誤。

另外,從今天上課老師的分析,發現翻譯童書的自由度挺大的,有需要時,可以不按照原文次序,甚至用字翻譯。只要記住目的是向兒童傳遞故事的內容。以後翻譯童書,我會提醒自己。

還有避免,用一些比較大人的字。還有,注意書中每位孩子的性格,童書中的人物往往性格非常鮮明,翻譯他們的對話時,要注意。

以前總是覺得自己雖然年紀不輕,但思想還是很小孩。翻譯時,才發現離小孩的歲月真的有點遙遠了,都不太會模仿小孩子說話。若繼續從事童書翻譯,要多閱讀兒童書籍,留意小朋友的對話。

喔,還有,翻譯時,一定要看圖檔,即本身那本書,不要一味只看文件檔埋頭翻譯,這樣會錯過許多重要的資訊。

 

原文

 譯文

 

Today Was a Terrible Day

今天真是個糟糕的一天 

 

Written by Patricia Reilly Giff

作者: 派翠希亞瑞莉吉芙

 

Illustrated by Susanna Natti

 Puffin Books

繪圖:蘇珊娜納笛

出版社:海鸚出版社 (Pufflin Books)

 

For my sons, Jim and Bill  P.R.G.

For my parents  S.N.

兒子:詹姆、比爾-- 吉芙

致父母-- 納笛

1

Today was terrible day. It started when I dropped my pencil. Miss Tyler asked, “Ronald Morgan, why are you crawling under the table like a snake?” Now all the children call me Snakey.

今天真是糟糕的一天。這要從我掉鉛筆說起。泰老師問:「莫榮恩 你為什麼像條蛇爬來爬去現在所有小朋友都叫我小蛇

2

When Miss Tyler told us to take out last night’s homework, I noticed that my mother had forgotten to sign mine. I quickly signed it for her so she wouldn’t get in trouble. But Miss Tyler said, “Ronald Morgan. It is a crime to sign other people’s names. And you spelled your mother’s name wrong.” All the children laughed.

泰老師叫我們把昨晚的功課拿出來。我發現媽媽忘記簽名了。我趕緊替她簽上,這樣她才不會有麻煩。不過泰老師說「莫榮恩 冒充別人簽名是犯法的。而且你還拼錯字了。」小朋友都哈哈笑了。

 

4

Later, when Bill was reading he’s in the Satellite group— I got hungry, and my stomach made noises. I tiptoed to the closet and ate a Salami sandwich. But I had the wrong bag. It was Jimmy’s lunch.

過了一會兒衛星隊的比爾朗讀時 我肚子餓得咕嚕咕嚕叫。我偷偷躲到衣櫃裡吃香腸三明治。後來發現那不是我的,而是吉米的。 

5

“Ronald Morgan, is that you chewing?” Miss Tyler asked. All the children looked at me. And Jimmy cried because he didn’t want my sandwich.

泰老師問「莫榮恩是你在吃東西嗎所有小朋友都看著我。吉米哭了因為他不要吃我的三明治。 

6

Then, when Alice was reading –she’s in the Mariners— my group had to do a workbook page.

I didn’t remember how to do it, so I asked Rosemary.

“Do you even know how to do that?” Rosemary asked.

And she’s in the dumb group, just like me.

水手隊的艾麗絲朗讀時我們這一組要做練習題。

我忘了怎麼做,所以問羅瑪莉。

羅瑪莉卻說「你連這個也不會啊

其實她和我一樣都是傻瓜隊的成員。

8

After I finished the workbook page, I wrote my initials on the thirsty sheet and went into the hall for a drink of water. Mrs. Gallop’s third-grade class was having recess, and I stood in line with them.

“Hi, Johnny,” I said, and he said hi to me.

寫完後在喝水簽名板寫下我的名字,然後到走廊喝水。

柯老師那班的三年級生剛好課間休息,我和他們一起排隊。

 「你好,強尼!」 「你好,榮恩!」

9

He showed me how to hold my finger over the faucet.

Some of the water landed on the floor. Most of it landed on Joy Farley’s dress.

他教我玩水的好方法。

有些水噴到地上,但大部份噴到了花喬伊的裙子上。

10

Mrs. Gallop took me to Miss Tyler and said, “Ronald Morgan may never get to third grade if he doesn’t learn to behave himself.”

And I heard Rosemary said,” Ronald Morgan may never get to third grade anyway. He still can’t read.”

柯老師抓我回泰老師那兒,還說「莫榮恩再這樣調皮,別想升三年級了。」

我聽到羅瑪莉 「莫榮恩根本不能升到三年級,因為他不識字。」 

12

During recess we went outside to play ball. I played left field because I don’t catch very well. Only one ball came near me. I ran for it.

課間休息,我們到外面打棒球。因為我不太會接球,所以負責左外野。球只有往我這邊打一次我追了過去。 

13

I missed, and my ice cream money fell out of my pocket.“You just lost the game, Snakey,” Bill yelled. And Tom said, “What did you expect from that kid?”

可是失手了,連買冰淇淋的錢也掉了。 比爾大喊「小蛇,你害我們輸了啦。」湯姆也跟著說「他還能做出甚麼好事?」

14

 

When lunchtime came, I had no money for ice cream. I watched Jimmy eat my peanut butter sandwich. He said he’d starve to death without it. So all I had was half of Rosemary’s candy bar and one of Bill’s cookies.

午餐到了,我沒錢買冰淇淋,只能看著吉米吃著我的花生醬三明治。吉米說如果不吃,他會餓死的。所以,我只吃了羅瑪莉給的半條巧克力和比爾給的一塊餅乾。

16

After lunch Miss Tyler called the Rockets to the reading circle. I’m a Rocket. Rosemary read the first sentence. And Tom read the next one. They didn’t make any mistake today. When it was my turn,

 I said, “Sally was a horse.”

Miss Tyler said, “Ronald Morgan. That’s not right.”

Rosemary said, “Sally saw a horse.”

And Tom said, “Some Rocket you are.”

吃完午餐,泰老師叫我們火箭隊朗讀。

羅瑪莉唸第一句,湯姆唸第二句。

他們今天都唸對了。

輪到我唸:「莎莉是我的媽。」

泰老師說:「榮恩,唸錯了。」

羅瑪莉說:「是『莎莉是我的馬』。」

湯姆說 :「你怎麼會跟我們同一隊啊!」

18

It was almost time to go home. Miss Tyler said, “I think the plant monitor has forgotten to water the plants again.” Guess who the plant monitor is?

快放學的時候,泰老師說:「今天的值日生又忘了澆水。」

猜猜誰是今天的值日生?

19

I got up and water all the plants, but while I was doing the last one, the best one, I looked out the window.

Somehow I knocked the pot off the windowsill.

我幫植物澆水,可是到最後一盆,最漂亮的那一盆,我顧著看窗外,分了心,不知怎麼的,花盆從窗台摔了下來。

20

When it was finally time to go home, Miss Tyler gave me a note.

“Ronald Morgan,” she said.

“Take this note home. Try to read it by yourself. If you can’t I’m sure your mother will help you.”

終於熬到可以回家了,泰老師給了我一張字條,「榮恩,拿回家,自己看看,如果看不懂,就找媽媽幫忙。」

22

One the way home I read the note.

Dear Ronald,

           I’m sorry you had a sad day.  Tomorrow will be a happy day because it’s my birthday. You and I will make it happy.

                             Love,

                           Miss Tyler

回家的路上,我把字條拿出來看:

親愛的榮恩,

知道你今天過得很糟糕,不過,相信明天將會是快樂的一天,因為那是我的生日。讓我們一起期待吧!

 愛你的泰老師

23

Hey. I read the whole note by myself. I can read.

哇,我看懂了耶!好棒喔!

24

Wait till I tell Michael. He’s my best friend.

我要告訴我的好朋友麥可。

25

“Hello, Michael? This is Snakey. Guess what? I just found out I can read. And guess what else? It’s Miss Tyler’s birthday.

嘿,麥可,我是小蛇,告訴你喔,我看懂了老師的字條。還有喔,明天是泰老師的生日。

26

I think I’ll bring her a plant. I know she needs one.”

我知道她需要甚麼--一盆植物。


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